oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
