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Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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