you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The struggles of a small town man whore
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
