I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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