We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
