I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
