It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You were trust falling into bushes