Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He passed out mid-signature
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.