Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son