piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on