If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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