just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
