Are we in a gay sports bar?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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