is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
