for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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