HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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