Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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