I got chris browned last night
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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