Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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