Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She bit a glass in half.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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