New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
