I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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