I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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