You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
