there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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