real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize