when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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