As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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