she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
