Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
