my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
