Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize