yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
