He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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