i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
