like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize