i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
