If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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