I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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