GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
