Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
