you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
