I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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