I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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