My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
