I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
