I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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