She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
