I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize