my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
