there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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