It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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