It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
