you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
