Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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