no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
as a side note pls kill me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
