Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
