The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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