Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
