If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
