You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
