She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
