Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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