Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
