he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
