He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
