I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
