i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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