I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she smelled like a LAN party
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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