So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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