Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
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The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
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.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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