omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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